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Lawyers

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start! 

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving. 

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk. 

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy. 

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand. 

Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? 
A. A Lobotomy. 

Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares? 

Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement. 

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2: Take your foot off his head.
A3: Excuse me, I donīt understand the point of the question. 

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope. 

Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel. 

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket. 

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff. 

Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"? 
A: There was an empty seat. 

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass. 

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand. 

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances. 

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery. 

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time. 

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night. 

Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins. 

Q: What`s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead. 

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle. 

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities. 

Q: What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman. 

Q: Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A: Deep down their good. 

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish. 

Q: Why are lawyers great in bed?
A: They get so much practice screwing people. 

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more. 

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance. 

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do. 

Q: Why didn't the doctor (any other misc. profession) pay the rent on his outhouse?
A: He didn't like the lawyer living downstairs 

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