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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
Student: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

Teacher: Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon? 
Pupil: The moon. 
Teacher: Why? 
Pupil: The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun lives us light only in the day time when we don't need it. 

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil: A teacher.

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black. 
Customer: What other colours do you have?

Tom: How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? 
Student: Brotherly love. 

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? 
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor? 
Doctor: One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died. 

Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible." 
One of the 20 Students: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste and put it back into the tube again."

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?" 
Student: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."

Teacher: Why are you late? 
Student: Because of the sign. 
Teacher: What sign? 
Student: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? 
Cindy: You told me to do it without using tables! 

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? 
Sarah: "HIJKLMNO"!! 
Teacher: What are you talking about? 
Sarah: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America. 
George: Here it is! 
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? 
Class: George!

Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. 
Willy: Me! 

Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty? 
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Silvia: Dad, can you write in the dark? 
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? 
Silvia: Your name on this report card. 

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? 
Jose: Don't bite any. 

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". 
Ellen: I is... 
Teacher:: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." 
Ellen: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." 

Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? 
Father: No. Why do you ask that? 
Son: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one 
is blue with red spots! 
Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of thesame at home. 

At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers." 

Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? 
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog! 

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